We can all say, without a doubt, that 2020 has not been what we expected. I was just reading through my last blogpost, New Decade, New Country...Same Old Me, and it made me feel quite emotional. I spoke about the big changes happening in my life this year, which if you didn't know, was basically my move to London in February. Pair that with leaving behind your baby (miniature Maltese baby called Biscotti), family, and friends, and you've got yourself a very, very difficult life change.
These past two months have been such a whirlwind of emotions, as I'm sure they have been for most people around the world. Being away from loved ones, in a new city, a new home, living with new people, is not exactly my idea of "comfort zone", but somehow we are making it through.
My days were filled with work (yes, I got a job very soon after arriving here! It was so exciting), but I am no longer working at the company, unfortunately, as they had to let me go because of Covid-19. It's all just sad and unfortunate, but I know that it's happening to so many people. That's the even harder thing. So many people have been put in such difficult positions and it's hard to come to terms with. Now, my days are filled with the university work I was getting done in the evenings, as I scramble to finish the last semester of my degree. Along with this, ups and downs are huge parts of my day too. I wake up mainly positive, get stuff done, keep myself busy, exercise, try to remain sane really. But most afternoons or evenings, I get filled with a heavy sadness. It's very much from homesickness, missing my family, friends, and my Biscotti. I think my heart aches for her the most because I can't speak to her. Technology is incredible for "spending time" with family and friends, and without it, I don't know how we'd really all be coping. But man, I just want to have a little conversation with Biscotti and tell her how much I miss her. Does anyone else ever feel like this with their animal babies? I also get a sadness for the world, because, well, it's pretty obvious. I just keep trying to send out positive thoughts and love, while staying at home and doing what I can in that small way.
When I think about it, I can't actually believe that I can let myself feel so sad and anxious about being asked to stay at home. I think about stories of Anne Frank, who stayed in an attic, fearing for her life, for over 700 days - without any of the luxuries that we have! Surely staying at home can't be that difficult for us? I do try to remind myself of this daily. Though, after speaking to people about this topic, it's become clear to me that our feelings are still valid and it's still okay to feel overwhelmed and lost in this situation. It may not be anything like our ancestors had faced during wars, etc, but it's relevant to our time and we have every right to honour our emotions, while still recognizing our privilege.
In my last blog post, I included some hopes of mine, which were pretty much the desire to travel and to be able to fill up the pages of the travel section of my blog. Oh, if only I knew! Of course, that's not happening right now. It's funny how you can plan, and plan, and plan, and then in one moment, everything can change. It really shows you what the important things in life are, doesn't it?
This has pretty much been my life and, like everyone else, I have no idea how much longer it will continue to be my "normal". But if we've learned anything it's that we all need each other, humanity needs to come together, not just in the face of disaster. I think we have also learned that nature is pretty okay without us, and if anything, we need to change our ways to allow nature to let us in again.
The reason for this post was to simply update anyone, apart from the obvious reason of me needing to vent and share some emotional thoughts. However, I hope the authenticity of this post is enough to touch at least one other person. To remind you that you are not alone. Things are hard right now, life is hard right now, and it's okay to admit that. It's also not a competition of who comes out of quarantine with the most skills. My family keeps reminding me of that and it really does take a lot of stress off you.
So, my question to you is, how are you doing - for real? I've shared my bits with you and now, I hope you'll do the same. If you would like to share your thoughts, please feel free to comment on this post. Otherwise, you can always reach out to me on Instagram. I am always ready to talk to people who share the same ideas and love for humanity and our world.
I hope you keep safe, and I hope it is not much longer until we can go out and make 2020 a year of love, community, and gratitude for the small things (that are actually the big things).
P.s. These photos were all taken during our first couple of weeks in London when the possibilities and excitement seemed invincible. But I also know, this too shall pass. ❤️