How Are You Doing – For Real?

We can all say, without a doubt, that 2020 has not been what we expected. I was just reading through my last blogpost, New Decade, New Country...Same Old Me, and it made me feel quite emotional. I spoke about the big changes happening in my life this year, which if you didn't know, was basically my move to London in February. Pair that with leaving behind your baby (miniature Maltese baby called Biscotti), family, and friends, and you've got yourself a very, very difficult life change.

These past two months have been such a whirlwind of emotions, as I'm sure they have been for most people around the world. Being away from loved ones, in a new city, a new home, living with new people, is not exactly my idea of "comfort zone", but somehow we are making it through.

My days were filled with work (yes, I got a job very soon after arriving here! It was so exciting), but I am no longer working at the company, unfortunately, as they had to let me go because of Covid-19. It's all just sad and unfortunate, but I know that it's happening to so many people. That's the even harder thing. So many people have been put in such difficult positions and it's hard to come to terms with. Now, my days are filled with the university work I was getting done in the evenings, as I scramble to finish the last semester of my degree. Along with this, ups and downs are huge parts of my day too. I wake up mainly positive, get stuff done, keep myself busy, exercise, try to remain sane really. But most afternoons or evenings, I get filled with a heavy sadness. It's very much from homesickness, missing my family, friends, and my Biscotti. I think my heart aches for her the most because I can't speak to her. Technology is incredible for "spending time" with family and friends, and without it, I don't know how we'd really all be coping. But man, I just want to have a little conversation with Biscotti and tell her how much I miss her. Does anyone else ever feel like this with their animal babies? I also get a sadness for the world, because, well, it's pretty obvious. I just keep trying to send out positive thoughts and love, while staying at home and doing what I can in that small way.

When I think about it, I can't actually believe that I can let myself feel so sad and anxious about being asked to stay at home. I think about stories of Anne Frank, who stayed in an attic, fearing for her life, for over 700 days - without any of the luxuries that we have! Surely staying at home can't be that difficult for us? I do try to remind myself of this daily. Though, after speaking to people about this topic, it's become clear to me that our feelings are still valid and it's still okay to feel overwhelmed and lost in this situation. It may not be anything like our ancestors had faced during wars, etc, but it's relevant to our time and we have every right to honour our emotions, while still recognizing our privilege.