This morning on my way to work I heard one of The Script's songs and this one line stood out to me: 'Turn the pain into power". I'll get to its relevance soon enough but firstly, I have been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be gentle with ourselves. Mainly mentally. This came to me when I was writing about how I was so irritated with myself for not doing something and not getting the things I had wanted to done, and so on. I looked back at it and I kind of thought, well damn. I'm trying my best! But I think most of us are guilty of constantly pushing ourselves for more and more - which is not a bad thing, it's good to challenge yourself. Though there comes a point where there's a thin line between challenging yourself and pushing yourself too far...
For me, I know how I feel when I don't tick off everything on my to do list, but it runs deeper than that. For a lot of us, anxiety is a very real, very intense part of our lives. And sometimes that is the root that keeps us weighed down when all we want is to get up and go. This week so far has been exactly that for me. Unfortunately though, life doesn't allow us to slow down really. We're expected to push through - with a smiling face too - and just keep on keeping on.
This brings me to the beautiful line "Turn the pain into power". The more I think about it, the more I agree with it, but also, the more I feel it is easier said than done. I am a huge fan of The Script and their music has always resonated with me - I am certainly not implying negativity towards this line! It merely got me thinking, and dwelling on the reality of how many of us face challenges that can really test us.
When I feel low, I really just want to get into bed with my favourite series, and not have to deal with the world. But how often can we actually do that? Somehow we have to put on a brave face and get on with things. So, right now, this is me 'turning my pain into power'. For some reason my anxiety has welcomed me with a bang yesterday and today - for no specific reason, no happenings that have warranted my sadness or edginess, just pure anxiety at its best. I did not feel like writing anything really, but in an effort to pass on some strength to another, this post is for you. (also, my mom took some cute photos of my outfit on Sunday, so I guess that's something to celebrate?!)
As far as being gentle with ourselves goes, there's nothing wrong with having a little cry - or even a tub of ice cream and a brownie? I'll opt for both thanks 😉 But ultimately we have to take a second to gather ourselves, because otherwise how else are we going to share the strength with others? It's hard enough trying to explain to someone what anxiety feels like, although I suppose it's slightly different for everyone. But to know that you aren't the only one who sometimes experiences complete panic, sudden emotional waves or a lacking of motivation to do what you thought you'd get done that day, is comforting. We aren't weird or less than others in any way. And this realisation is the greatest form of gentleness you could give yourself.
I mentioned that I had no proper drive to write this post today, but it's rather funny how life works. Because writing is my therapy, and even if I don't feel like it, sometimes I've just got to push myself to, in the safety of knowing it will only help me. Believe me when I say, if I can push myself to do something productive on a low day, then you can too. I say this because I am very easily prone to blocking everything out and rather watching a movie or having a nap. The Script is right though. Even if they meant "pain" in terms of heartbreak or hurt, it definitely can be translated into a "pain" that comes from ourselves... It's how we handle that pain that will be our strength. (I feel like I can say this because I'm proud of myself for not having let anxiety take over completely, but instead turning it into something that could benefit another.)
Sure, some things are easier said than done: "get over it", "stop feeling sad", "don't let it get you down". And it's also true that pictures can fake a lot of things - these photos portray the mood I was in on Sunday morning, not yesterday! Crazy right? But it really is all part of the 'brave face' we are taught to put on when things don't go certain ways. You could possibly 'fake it til' you make it', but I always think that you should allow yourself to feel what you do and understand why you feel that way. It isn't the easiest task, however no bad day lasts forever. Remembering that and being gentle with yourself are the first steps in feeling better...
Can anyone else relate to this? I would really love to know your thoughts! (Pretty please) I do hope you've enjoyed this open babble from me and I hope in some way it helps you!
*Top from H&M, skirt from Forever21, sunglasses are Rayban and shoes ordered off Superbalist.